.blujaystudio ~ the beginning

new address

2009-10-10T10:45:00.001-07:00

so,
apparently,
i'm moving.
the house i live in is sold.
i have 2 weeks to be out.
can't wait to see where the stars will take me!

my blog is also moving.
sort of.
moving ON . . .

time to move on.
new chapter.

my new blog is
www.blujaystudio.com
bookmark it!

tonight,
a new, sexy, black, strapless dress . . .
black, sling-back heels . . .
and memories to be made.

xoxo.
e.

backstage pass

2009-10-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

do you love to come here?

i love when you come here!

do you sit & have coffee with me?

i love to have coffee with you!

well,
I'm switchin coffee shops~
not ME, necessarily,
but,
more to the point,
my BLOG.
i need to know if you can't live without it.

blujaystudio is goin underground!

kind of like a bad-ass pirate blog!
he he he he he

so,
if you want to keeping joining me for coffee~
either email me at:
ericatheartist@gmail.com
or
leave your email address in the comments section below . . .
i'll put you on my special "peeps" list
& give you a backstage pass :)

xoxoxo.
e.

you know, this wouldn't be as fun without you!

knowing

2009-10-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

“The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
-rumi

xoxo.
e.

dancing

2009-10-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

with my amazingly, fantastically, wonderful friend

it started with a SONG

(listen to the words ~ it's ALL about the words :)

then i took him by the hand,

and the dance began . . .

. . .

. . .and, by the way, i smoke strawberry cigarellos . . . i've been to europe, france, mexico, and greece, . . . i speak a little bit of French, took Latin in high school . . .

. . . i DO drive . . .i LOVE LOVE LOVE the ground beneath me . . .i DO write letters, . . .i LOVE hand-written letters . . . don't panic on the phone, mostly nervous laughter . . .

. . . i CAN swim, not very good though, doggie-paddle . . . the sea DOES draw me, the ocean is magical, dolphins, whales & mermaids . . .better when the sun goes down, much better . . .

. . . i CAN dance, and do it almost daily . . .i eat what i've been given . . .i do like to cook~ sometimes it's fabulous, lots of times i walk away from the stove & come back to black smoke rising from the pot :) . . .that happens more than i should probably admit :)

(my friend: I love to dance. can't dance really)

. . . not a huge reader, but, books & magazines . . .i do love that hand that feeds me . . .

(is this fun? you know what i'm doing, right?)

(yes. dancing?)

(the song!)

. . .my heart HAS been bruised . . .VERY badly . . . YES, I CAN draw . . .i just bought an old record player & my favorite records are Shaun Cassidy & the Sound of Music . . .

. . . i totally sleep like a spoon, i stay up way later than i should, and i sometimes feel really alone in my bed . . .

. . .

the end.

thank you

2009-10-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

every night, i sit under the star filled sky
i breathe deeeeeeeply
and express my gratitude
i THANK the stars
EVERY night

THANK YOU STARS, for
Nicole
Lori
Noll
Carolyn
Roxane
Rocio
Nick
Monte
Bevan
Johanna
Annie
Colleen
Dana
Claire
VIcki
SAndi
Michelle
McCabe
SuziBlu
Melita
Laurel
RedShoe lovely-lady
Robin
Lindz
Stacy
Hundewanderer
Purplecat
Kavindra
Jules
Ali
Paul
Donna
Sylvia
my mom
my dad
Jared
Shannon
Kathy
Tracy
Jamie
Laurel
Jen
Heidi
Kim

my strength
my heart
the water-repellent feathers on my back
and my unbreakable spirit

~i am so very GRATEFUL~
xoxo
e

p.s. there are many more, but i need to go shower :)

dirty little secret! . . . a CHALLENGE!

2009-09-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
don't tell!

push 'pause' on the music player to your right
THEN
watch this video
(then come back!)

i want to make a collaborative video!
write down YOUR dirty little secret!
take a photo of it
can have you on the photo
just your hands
whatever!
GET CREATIVE PEOPLE!!!
email your photo to me at:
ericatheartist@gmail.com

I will put them all together & make a
DIRTY LITTLE VIDEO!
he he he!

xoxo.
e.

get to work!!!

walk on!

2009-09-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

this is ADORABLE!
"pause" the music player to your right
BEFORE you play the video

LOVE&PEACE.
xo.
e.

on the town

2009-09-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

with my little man

love makes our little world go around!

xo.
e.

obsessed

2009-09-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

a little list of my obsessions:

salt & vinegar chips
art journals
hugs
merlot
boots
smacking my friends' asses
painting
little people smiling at me
refusing to give up
key lime sherbet
turquoise: the color & the stone
goodness
thrift stores
wonderful friends
green olives
drawing with charcoal
big rock honey brown beer
kindness
dancing like a maniac
paint on my skin
nachos
laughing without editing
vintage vinyl
watching my kids be kids
paint on my hands
Laurel, my starbucks lady
dill pickles
old books
funny movies
paint under my nails
feeling loved
sleeping in
giving love to strangers
bean burritos
paint on my clothes
standing up for what is right
strawberry cigarillos
the cute, curly-haired boy at the taco joint
yoga
chocolate
loving completely
shiraz
my niece & her obsession with lip gloss
saying what i feel
smoked gouda cheese
paint in my hair
watching bad people get what's coming to them
singing at the top of my lungs
losing all sense of time in the rapture of creating
red cream soda
hugging people who don't expect it
and their smile that follows
jumping in the lake
singing karaoke in my Adam Sandler voice
sparkling eyes
flirting
loving my body
bracelets
rings
polka-dotted, lacey underwear
sexy scents
french fries
fresh music
old music
touch
saying hello to strangers
HUGGING friends
telling people that i love them
feeling the LOVE
spreading the LOVE
you know
i love YOU!!!!
xo
e.

a true story

2009-09-22T17:12:00.001-07:00

i pulled up & parked in front of the store.
as i was rolling up my window,
i heard this terrible yelling & shouting!
i looked around to see where it was coming from~
the car right NEXT to me!
big old boat of a car,
little tiny OLD people inside!
i SWEAR to god~ they were like 90 years old!
normally, i would look at them with smiling eyes
with soft eyes and a gentle smile
i would NORMALLY say to myself,
"how sweet! they're 90 & still together!"
not today!
no ma'am!
today was different.
i looked over into their car
the man was
YELLING
PUSHING
SHOUTING
SMACKING
SLAPPING
i was in shock!
i could not believe my fucking eyes!!!
then our eyes locked
mine & the old mans.
we STARED at each other for a few moments.
i was SURE that he would be embarrassed,
and STOP.
oh no!
no ma'am.
not today.
he turned his gaze back to his tiny, frail wife~
and with a look of hatred, continued with the yelling and hitting. she raised her hands to PROTECT herself from his blows. i didn't even think. i just acted. i jumped out of my car slammed my door shut pasted myself against the woman's window (it was rolled up, it was a hot day, and only about 1 inch open) i tried to climb through that 1 inch opening~
as I shouted at the man
"HEY! HEY! HEY!"
it took him that many "hey"s to STOP what he was doing
and look at me! so he looks at me
"What?"
like he doesn't fucking know what I'm about to say!

"STOP HITTING HER!!!

STOP SMACKING HER!!!

STOP YELLING AT HER!!!"

to which he ever-so-snidely shirks his shoulders and tells me

"Mind your own business!"

i SWEAR TO GOD!!! something just SNAPPED inside me! this little, tiny, old, frail, weak, pale woman who is probably 90 years old and weighs 70 pounds looks up at me with her clear, sky blue eyes FILLED WITH TERROR i look at her i'm trying to touch her through the closed car window i say to her (VERY LOUDLY)

"You don't have to put up with this!

You don't deserve this!

He doesn't GET to hit you!!!

He doesn't GET to yell at you!

IT'S NOT OK!!!!"

again, the old fucker...
"Mind your own business!"
to which I shout,
"NO!" "This IS my business!

You don't GET to treat her like this!!!"

and then, Mr. Big-Tough-Macho -Man says to me,

"Well! She MADE A MISTAKE! I have to SHOW HER that she made a mistake!"
again... more fucking snapping going off inside me! I lost it!

"You don't put your fucking hands on her!
She made a MISTAKE?
Fine! Talk to her!
You don't FUCKING YELL AT HER!!!
you don"t fucking smack her around!!!"

he tried to dismiss me, as if i had no idea what i was talking about. i said "THis is NOT OK! This IS ILLEGAL!!!" he smirked. (SNAP) "I'll call the cops!" more smirking "I'll call the fucking cops!" then the little old woman looked up at me and MOUTHED

"PLEASE call the police!"

holy fucking shit-balls!!! so, Tough-Guy puts his car in reverse I run to the front of his car pointing at the license plate and shouting out the plate # he looks at me & does the "WHAT?" motion i SHOUT

"I GOT YOUR FUCKING NUMBER! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!"

they leave. i walk into the store, & lock eyes with this guy standing in line, "FUCKING ASSHOLE!" he says, "Excuse me?" ha ha ha "SORRY! Not you! There's this fucking 90 year old man out there beating the shit out of his wife!" everyone in the store is looking at me nobody does anything i go to the back use the store phone dial 911 make a report THEN as i'm checking out~ i say to the cashier, "I'm SHAKING so bad!" she leans in & whispers "I know." . . . then she says, "The woman has Alzheimer's. He does that all the time to her. They are in here all the time, he's always yelling at her, and hitting her. Today, she had BLOOD coming out of her ears." all of this, is whispered to me, under her breath, so nobody hears. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHen they were JUST in here~ she had BLOOD coming out of her EARS???" dear god. i left. i called the police again, told them about the alzheimer's & the blood. they arrested him. she wouldn't cooperate. she explained, "I made a mistake, he had to show me." oh my god. oh my god. oh MY FUCKING GOD!!!! you see, i think what ultimately made me snap was when she looked up at me as i told her "YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!" she didn't know any different. she had put up with it for more than 50 years. it is what she knew. it was normal to her.
it hit just a WEE FUCKING close to home~ normally, in the past, i do mind my own business, i really do. but, COME ON PEOPLE!!! we are all in this together! we GOTTA help each other out! we HAVE TO step out we HAVE TO stand up for fucking sakes, it's time to BE BRAVE!!! it's SCARY as SHIT!!!! but, soooooo worth it! the police asked if i'd be willing to go to court & testify against Mr. Macho Man? "FUCK YA!" was my polite answer! It takes a very SPECIAL kind of "man" to PUT DOWN HIT YELL AT SMACK SCREAM AT PUNCH DEMEAN INTIMIDATE another human being let alone,
a woman,
his beloved wife!
YA!
FUCKING TOUGH GUY!
Give me a fucking break! spineless worthless pathetic

more life lessons.
more to show my kids~
when someone HITS you,
they DON'T LOVE YOU!
even if they SAY they do.
when someone YELLS AT YOU~
and PUTS YOU DOWN,
the do NOT love you,
even in the SAY they do!

cause that's one thing i get!
i SO get it.
took me 17+ years,
but,
i GET IT!

ACTIONS

ACTIONS, my friends,
speak SO VERY MUCH LOUDER
than empty, meaningless words.

peace&love.
e.

photo from http://www.victorioustreasures.com/AbusedWomen,MenAndTheirFamilies.htm

note to self

2009-09-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

i refuse to stoop
i choose to stand tall
i refuse to lie
truth has greater power
i refuse to fold
i am strong
i refuse to be controlled
i am free
i refuse to be told what to do
i say FUCK OFF control freak!
i refuse to change for another person
i respect myself
i realize that someone who wants me to change
to fit THEIR needs
is not worth my time
i refuse to let someone else try to pawn their insecurities off on me
i believe in myself
i refuse to be told "you won't make it!"
i say, "fuck YOU! watch me!"
i refuse to give up
my spirit is stubborn
i refuse to settle ever again
i deserve the sun, the moon & the fucking stars!

xo..
e.

"Hi! I'm Bitter! Nice to meet you!"

2009-09-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

"Eventually
the pain
of not opening your soul
becomes greater
than the pain
of opening your soul."

- Rumi

xo.
e.

once upon a time . . .

2009-09-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

once upon a time there lived a woman.
she went along in life,
doing what needed to be done.
making other people happy,
afraid to make waves.
Until one day,
she realized that she was not where she wanted to be.
she was not who she KNEW, in her heart, she was.
She decided to make a change.
she decided to take a leap.
she decided to rock the fucking boat.
she stood up & jumped out of the boat.
the water was cold.
but she felt the rush ~
and she knew, again,what it felt like
to be TRULY alive.
She remembered the joy
so long ago forgotten.
She danced ~ from her heart.
She sang ~ from her soul.
She smiled ~ & her SPIRIT shined through.
she is light.
she is love.
she is happiness.

xo.
e.

p.s. ~ my newest painting~ i am IN LOVE with it!!! not done yet, but in love :)

budding bloggers

2009-09-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

my lovely little girls are budding artists

& budding bloggers!

they are

STRONG

BRAVE

& BEAUTIFUL!!!

you KNOW it!!!

of COURSE! right

they REAAALLy want all of my wonderful friends to come visit them!

Clara's blog & Lucy's blog

& don't forget to leave a comment!
(they're checking :)

( i see little frowny-faces when they read
'comments, 0')

LOVE.
xo.
e.

thanks peeps!

how to build a brick house

2009-09-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

one brick at a time.

i was talking to
somebody really smart,
can't remember who,
(my brother, my sister, or my dad)

i said something like,
"it's really hard to get up,
when somebody keeps throwing fucking BRICKS at you!"

to which, said smart family member replied,

"be grateful for those bricks ~
don't throw them back!
and
one by one,

build yourself a beautiful house!"

LOVE IT!!!

so true.

and the more i think about it . . .

i realized something!
at the end of the day,

I will have a GORGEOUS brick house ~

and the person who threw them at me,

will have NOTHING!

isn't Karma a bitch?
he he he!

you see,
when we are filled with anger & hate
when we PURPOSELY SET OUT to harm another~
we are the one who REALLY gets damaged.

I'm glad I'm the one
picking up the bricks
here.

. . . inhaaaaaaale . . .
. . . exhaaaaaaaaaaaaale . . .

xo.
e.

smitten with life

2009-09-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

80's satin prom dress $1.69

vintage records $.25 each

love on the floor . . . priceless!

the sound of vinyl . . .

. . . the essence of life!

...inhale...

...exhale...

xo.
e.

saying goodbye

2009-09-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

he's always been there
by our sides
pure love
pure light
so innocent
so wise
always protecting the kids
always taking care of us
he knew when we were sad
and he would comfort us
he KNEW us
he LOVED us
i never knew a LOVE so strong,
i never felt a loss so PAINFUL,
until the day I said good-bye.

we will miss your sweet curls,
your thoughtful eyes,
your excitement at the sight of a tennis ball,
your soft fur
up against our skin,
your snoring,
your friendship,
and your
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Dear, sweet, sweet Copper,
you will ALWAYS & FOREVER
be in our hearts
we know you are our special angel now
we feel you in our hearts every day
we miss you every day
when we eat pancakes or pizza
we will SMILE
& remember how much you LOVED them!
You will ALWAYS be
THE BEST DOG
in the whole, entire world!
HAnds down!
NO CONTEST!!!

~we LOVE you sweet boy~
forever.
and ever.
and ever.
as long as there is a sun and moon,
you will ALWAYS be in our hearts.

art journal pages

2009-09-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

something i have learned through experience and through yoga . . . seems simple, but it took me a LONG time to fully grasp it. . . i can NOT control or change another person. the only control i have is in how i choose to react or respond to that person. really, it's quite comforting.
don't you think?

the photos are some treasures from my new art journal.
xo.
e.

i am in love with art journaling . . .

absolutely smitten!

my new art journal & late night ramblings

2009-09-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

so, i was up past midnight . . .
drawing and drawing and drawing some more.
i am FULL of it~ drawing painting day-dreaming.
THINKING thinking thinking. . .
Last night, i went to bed.
i laid awake in bed for a long time
i don't think i could even close my eyes.
my brain was spinning
my mouth was smiling
i was counting my LUCKY stars~ the night sky is FULL of them!
every night, before i go to bed, i stand outside, under the stars
& smile
i smile with gratitude
i smile peacefully
i smile joyfully
my HEART smiles.
so, last night i was thinking how lucky i am
and thinking
"how many people get the chance that i have been given?
the chance to, really, start over?
the chance to live my life EXACTLY how i want to
the chance to do what I want to do
the chance to BE who i AM
the chance to say "I am unhappy & unfulfilled"
and actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!?"

and then~ i SMACKED myself!

it's not a CHANCE!
i wasn't GIVEN anything!!!
i fought, tooth & nail for where i am!
there were no hand-outs.
there was no 'easy road'.
there were no 'simple decisions'.
it's been a battle UPHILL all the way
i could have given up
i could have given in
i could have settled
i could have compromised
i could have let my life play out on the path i was on
BUT i chose CHANGE
i CHOSE happiness
i CHOSE to be TRUE to myself
i chose to be in the DRIVER'S seat,
rather that a mindless passenger
i chose the HARD ROAD
i chose the unlit PATH
i chose to break away
i chose to fight
i chose to STAND UP for what i knew was right
i CHOSE me.

it is definitely easier to blame our misfortunes & unhappiness on FATE, or CHANCE, or DESTINY, or another PERSON~

easier, yes.

true, NO.

there will only be CHANGE, when YOU MAKE CHANGE happen. i know, i WAITED & WASTED YEARS of my life, waiting for a miracle, waiting for CHANCE to step in & change my life, waiting for my FORTUNE to turn around, WAITING for that PERSON to change . . .
it SUCKS.

WAITING SUCKS.

it's not EASY to be proactive, it's not EASY to rock the boat, it's not EASY to do something that you know will upset other people, . . . no.

not easy.

in fact, so far in my life, it has been the HARDEST thing i have ever had to do.
but, WORTH IT?

FUCK YA!

every tear, ever lonely moment, every despicable act of hatred that has been thrust on me, every awful, disgusting lie that was & still is told about me, watching someone i thought i knew peel off the layers of the mask to reveal something so ugly i could have never, in my worst nightmares, imagined that such a hateful soul existed inside someone i thought i knew.
terrifying.
i wouldn't go back.
i would do it all again, in a second!
so. there is a point here!
i am known to ramble, but, there is a point~ and it's a good one!
my point is this~

the path to the most beautiful place is often dark and terrifying, it will take every fucking ounce of courage you can muster, but, if you stay strong, if you keep your feet on the path, and truth in your heart ~
i PROMISE,
when you get there
there will be more brilliant stars than you could have ever imagined!

it's not CHANCE.

it's CHOICE!

choose to be BRAVE!

i LOVE you!!!
xo.
e.

it's a brand new day

2009-09-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

"brand new day"
by
jOSHUA rADIN
(i LOVE him!)

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down on me
And bathes me in it’s light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
Most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Ya you make your past your past

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

This cycle never ends
Gotta fall in order to mend

And it’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

PEACE&LOVE.
e.

p.s. the long-legs don't belong to me~ they would be Clara's
the feet & ducks are mine :)
well, the feet, anyway ~

poem #3

2009-08-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

i'm using my 'creative license' here
(and, no, i did NOT get it from a Cracker Jack box :)
this video is my POEM!

ENJOY!

(PAUSE the music to your right BEFORE you start the vid :)

make it BIG SCREEN!

watch it in HQ (high Quality)

xo.
e.

tell me what makes YOU happy!!!
tell me!
tell me!
TELL ME ALREADY!!!
~spread the LOVE~
c'MON!

spread it!!!

i double dog dare you!!!

poem #2

2009-08-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

"last night"

laughing my ass off

tossed me over his shoulder

blisters on both feet

xo.
e.

p.s. there you go~ a haiku? did it work? did I paint a picture? could you see it?

30 poems in 30 days

2009-08-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

so, my dearest McCabe~ had this idea~ write 30 poems in 30 days.

here's my first, be gentle :)

"the beginning"

broken wide open
battered
bleeding
soft spoken
fighting
escaping
bruised
afraid
alone
scarred
this was just the beginning.

bare with me, i haven't written poetry since high school!

xo.
e.

life lesson #731

2009-08-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

"Give those who find fault
or who are confrontational

a silent blessing

and remove yourself
from their energy
as quickly as possible."

Do YOU have those kind of people in your life?
I know I do.
a few of them,
poor them, really.
how sad would it be that the only "joy"
they experience is to purposely cause others pain?
how sad.
sad for them,
that they don't experience
true love,
true happiness,
true friendships,
true joy~
sad.

but it is SO FREEING to realize that
they have ONLY the power that YOU GIVE to THEM!!!

If you FEED into it,
if you BELIEVE it,
if you allow THEIR problems
& THEIR insecurities affect you~
then,
it grows
it multiplies. like a bad weed!

If you stay away,
if you WALK away,
if you REFUSE to play their game,
if you LAUGH at their lies,
if you TURN AWAY from their shit~
guess what?
their negative energy BOUNCES off of you!
and the FUNNY thing?
it goes right back to THEM!
very cool how that works!

Goodbye negative energy ~
and so long to the people who harbor you!

what goes around comes around!

xo.
e

life has taught me

2009-08-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

it's not about what other people "THINK".
it's about what I KNOW.

it's not about how I "LOOK".
it's about who I AM.

it's NOT about pleasing OTHER people.
it's about making MYSELF HAPPY.

it's not about what other people can "GIVE" me.
it's about GIVING from my HEART every second of every day!

it's not about what I "SAY".
it's about what I DO.

it's not about how others TREAT ME.
it's about how I ALLOW myself to be treated.

it's not about "pretending" to be someone I am NOT.
it's about EMBRACING MY UNIQUENESS.

it's not about having someone say "I love you".
it's about getting so fucking dizzy I can barely stand up
& crazy swirling butterflies in my stomach,
& stars in my eyes that light up my face,
and a super-sparkly smile that won't go away

because

I have fallen in LOVE

~ with MYSELF!

that's what it's about.

xo.
e.

blue.

2009-08-18T14:51:00.000-07:00

May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born in yourself and others.
May you use your gifts,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.
Let this knowledge settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance,
praise
and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

feeling blue, blue, blue today...
cobalt, sapphire, ultramarine,
whatever you call it ~
blue.
xo.
e

butterflies!

2009-08-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

(PAUSE the music player to the right, before you play the video :)

Untitled from Erica Aubin Herbert on Vimeo.

here's a little video of my week of art camp, with my magical little butterflies!!!

they are TOO freaking ADORABLE!!!

xo.

she is me.

2009-08-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

i'll give a kiss
to the first person to remember
what movie this song is from :)

"she"
by McCabe

she is changing the story midstream.
she is getting out the red pumps and the
henna tattoos.
she is in love with a song and a postcard.
she is twirling little girls.
she is giving directions.
she is stringing together photographs like daisies.
she is freaked out by all the uncertainty.
she is decorating a treehouse.
she is learning italian.
she is covered in pink and gold paint.
she is at the hard part where she usually
runs away.
she is finding her voice.
she is singing very loud.
she is documenting her friends.
she is writing a lot of love letters.
she is half in and half out.
she is reality and she is a dream.
she is open.
she is ready.
she is saying fuck it and dancing anyway.

she is free.

thank you mccabe~
for expressing your feelings so bravely
& letting me know i am NOT alone
buckets & buckets of glittery, glowy love to you soul sista!

xo.
e.

be brave. do what you LOVE!

2009-08-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

whatever you are doing
is the most beautiful thing!

hugs.
kisses.
butt-smacks.
e.

did you know cinderella can paint?

2009-08-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

i'm not sure how i became cinderella~?
maybe it's the white, backless dress?
the glass slippers?
remember
~ i am the novelist of my own life~
writing it how i want it to be :)

a bit of raw video~
from the painting i am working on right now

PEACE.
love.
HAPPINESS.
e.

cinderella got a job

2009-08-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

my amazing, dragon-slaying friend took me on a helicopter ride. it was magical. it was breathtaking. i felt free. i was like a bird, in the air, without a care in the world.

then, back to my "real life" ~ where i find myself in a struggle, in a constant swim against the current. i find myself with a fire-breathing dragon always at my back. then~ just at this very moment~ i realized something!!! what IF i do, what i tell my kids to do~ what i do in my dreams, when i am having a nightmare~ and there is a MONSTER or, DRAGON ~ or whatever ~ what IF, i decide to stop RUNNING~ to turn around and FACE the dragon??? what if i LAUGH in his FACE? what if i tell him to PISS OFF? what if i TELL HIM that i know he's not real, that i know he's just a big, fat scaredly cat? a bully? acting out & trying to scare me because he is scared?

what would happen? well, seriously, it probably won't make him stop acting that way ~
but, guess what it does to me?
it gives me my power back!
i don't have to run anymore.
i don't have to be scared anymore.
i can just go on ~ with the current,
going with the flow,
and knowing that that fire-breathing dragon is just a frightened and angry little lizard who has alot of fire,
but knowing, that he has no real power,
~ he can't scare me anymore.

and, i'm not waiting for a dragon-slayer, because, he's busy building his castle. so, you know what? i put on my glass slippers, and my white, backless dress, kicked that dragon in the ass, and i'm off to the ball!

and so, going with the FLOW ~ looking for a job... starbucks?
sushi restaurant?
no.

i found the PERFECT job for me!!!
full time artist!

did you know, that Cinderella has the ability to write her own ending to the story?
it's true.
she does.
i do.
you do!

here's a painting i just finished:
"mr. sexy salmon pants"
2'x4' acrylic & charcoal on canvas
handsome, isn't he!
drop me an email if you'd like him to come live at your house :)
ericatheartist@gmail.com

here's a quote for us~
for you & me~
to help us to remember to write our own stories,
and not just get cought up in someone else's
and COAST along on autopilot!

"never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do!"
-h. jackson brown jr.

LOVE.
hugs.
& KISSES.
e.

i'm TRYING...

2009-07-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

gooooooooood morning :)
yes, this is my morning face & my lovely morning hair!
nice, i know :)

i really struggle with this lesson.
i know it to be true.
but, i struggle, almost daily.
i read about it yesterday~

in a book my friend lent me:
"Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart" by Gordon Livingston MD

"chapter 2. we are what we do.

People also need to look at the way they are living with an eye to change. We are always TALKING about what we want, what we intend. These are dreams and wishes and are of little value in changing our mood.
We are NOT what we THINK,
or what we SAY,
or how we FEEL.

We are what we DO!

Conversely, in judging other people we need to pay attention
NOT to what they PROMISE
but how they BEHAVE!
This simple rule could prevent much of the pain and misunderstanding that infect human relationships. "When all is said and done, more is said than done." We are drowning in words, many of which turn out to be lies we tell ourselves or others. How many times do we have to feel betrayed and surprised at the disconnect between people's WORDS and their ACTIONS before we learn to pay more attention to the latter than the former? Most of the heartbreak that life contains is a result of ignoring the reality that past behavior is the most reliable predictor of future behavior."

i suppose i am a sucker for words?!
even when i KNOW i am being lied to,
because that's all that has ever come out of that mouth~
i still HOPE that something will change, that by some miraculous chance, the WORDS and the ACTIONS will actually match up!?!?
crazy~ i know.

i'm workin' on it.

we are what we DO!

LOVE.love.LOVE.
e.

p.s. i just finished 2 AWESOME paintings~ they're HUGE!
2'x4' . . . (something under-water-ish :)
and 3'x5' . . . (something outdoors-ish :)
will post photos SOON!
and
I just added an extra week to my Butterfly Warriors Art Camp!

PEACE. xoxo. e.

a trip. buckets of laughter. a breath of fresh air. and a fire.

2009-07-23T09:32:00.001-07:00

Proactive people take the initiative and responsibility to make things happen. They cause action rather than being victims of circumstance. ~Chris MacAllister

. . . so ~ i took a little trip . . .

it was relaxing

it was peaceful

i laughed my ASS off ~

it was amazing.

. . . inhale . . .

. . . exhale . . .

LOVE.

it felt wooooooooooooooooonderful to get out of my head for a few days . . . until we had to come back early, to a forest fire around my house & was evacuated for a few days ~ not knowing whether or not the house was going to burn down!

it didn't.

it's all good :)

all we have is this moment

2009-07-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

live in the moment

and make it SO BEAUTIFUL

that it will be

WORTH REMEMBERING!

love. LOVE. love.

e

another day, filled with gratitude

2009-07-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

mr. cupcake & i have been "just friends" for awhile now. when we met, i said to him, "i think that you are an angel, and you were sent to me, for a "purpose", to "save me" right now, and when it's over, you'll be gone. (because i needed to be saved!) ~ and he did. he was amazing & was there for me & helped me through the hardest time in my life ~ when i was going to court, fighting for my kids, warding off the "lies" that were being told about me, wondering if the pain & anger & hatred would ever stop? and to feed me daily cupcakes when i got down to 103 pounds :) not the healthiest, but it got me back up to a good weight! the "crap" is still happening, but, i have become strong enough that i can deal with it on my own. i don't "NEED" to be saved anymore. and some days it's reeeeeally fucking hard to do it on my own~ and sometimes i wonder if i'm strong enough, brave enough, ..... am i enough? can i handle this?
and guess what? I CAN! it's hard. but I CAN DO IT!

do you know this little saying?

"People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

or to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

...

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

...

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

...

When people come into your life for a SEASON,

it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,

the season eventually ends.

...

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you, Mr. Cupcake, for being part of my life."

i've read it before, many times. but the last time i read it ~ it made me cry, because i KNEW that mr. cupcake was a "reason" ~ i KNEW it when we met, and i knew it when it ended.

my best girlfriend & i were chatting, after mr. cupcake, and i said, with tears in my eyes, "am i stupid? why do i do this? why do i LOVE and TRUST and OPEN my HEART and put my guard down & open myself up so easily? i need to STOP doing that! i need to STOP being that way!" ~ then she got tears in her eyes, and said, "NO! you CAN'T STOP being like that! That is what is so beautiful about you! That is what makes you, YOU! YOU ARE WONDERFUL & LOVING & AMAZING & GIVING ~ don't EVER CHANGE!!! If you stopped being you, then the "bad guys" win!"~

she's right. i know she's right. but a part of me wonders, if i put up walls, if i'm not so honest & open & caring & loving ~ wouldn't that be SAFER? wouldn't i be protecting myself? wouldn't that make it way less likely that i would get HURT again?"

but, there's something to be said about living with your WHOLE HEART, about living without limits, about living without regrets, about living life FULLY and COMPLETELY ever day, every minute, every BREATH!

who wants to live a half-life? going through the motions? doing it because it's "routine"? doing it, because it would be TOO HARD to change?

i lived that way for far too many years ~ going through the motions, doing what was 'expected' of me, doing things i didn't want to do, allowing myself to be treated a way i KNEW i did not deserve, going to bed at night with silent tears, feeling the pain of another wasted day ~ i USED to say to myself "in my next life, i'm not going to get married! in my next life, i'm not going to let someone else tell me what to do & how to do it! i'm going to paint every day! in my next life, i'm going to do all the things that make me happy!" . . . and as i sat there, wallowing in my own self-pity, it's like, the Universe took a great big baseball bat right-upside my head & shouted "WAKE UP ERICA!!! This is it girl! This IS as good as it gets! This life is WHAT YOU MAKE IT!!! Stop waiting for your life to miraculously change ~ get off your ASS & CHANGE IT!!!"

that was a good day, a really good day. that was the day i began to take charge of my own life, and i haven't looked back since.

sketching, cleaning & getting ready for art camp
next week with all my beautiful little butterflies!

LOVE&hugs.
e.

you are the author of your life story

2009-07-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

"at ANY given moment

YOU have the POWER

to say

this is NOT

how the story is going to end."

~Christine Mason Miller

i LOOOOOOVE this quote!

my wonderful friend, Dana~
always tells me to PAINT myself how I want to be~
"paint yourself calm, paint yourself happy, paint yourself organized (ha ha ha!)"

my delicious friend, Batman~
tells me to envision how i want my life to be!
imagine it!
feel it!
BELIEVE it!
~and it will come true~

so~
i've been THINKING~
(watch out!)
i've got several thoughts in my head...
but, they're all inter-related!
i'm thinking of a STORY...
you know,
"Once upon a time..."
AND
i'm thinking of a new painting...
BIG canvas, turquoise blue sky~
a girl...and some birds.
AND
i'm thinking of a video~
a video that tells a STORY of the painting & the girl.
the girl is me.
i AM the author of my own life story.
and i KNOW where i want it to go :)

peace&LOVE&hugs
e.

p.s. hi Batman :)

wanna date?

2009-07-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

"i AM beautiful"

book a "DATE" for art camp!

Currently taking registrations for:

July 20-24 ~ FULL DAY CAMP(almost full!)

July 27-31st ~ "Dragonfly Warriors!"
full day BOYS CAMP!

August 3rd-7th ~ MORNING camp

August 10-14 ~ FULL DAY CAMP
(a few spots left!)

~limited space available~

REGISTER TODAY!

~kisses~
e.

it's raining, it's pouring, ...it's anything but boring!

2009-07-06T18:19:00.001-07:00

when it rains...
it FREAKING POURS!!!

and in my life,
it's god damn raining!!!
CATS & DOGS
(& bats & mice!)
...and broken bones :(

where do I start? how about Brittle? our little gray kitty we got in January?
well~ she got sick. throwing up, not eating, not drinking, laying around, NOT being her spunky little self~
hence, a visit to the VET!
$140 later, she's better, but needs to be fixed & vaccinated!
$340 later... she's done.
THEN, she decided to climb 30 feet up a pine tree & not come down for 3 days~
which required 3 people, a 30 foot ladder, a basket, a rope, and a full weekend to get her down!

...........inhale.......
...exhale.........
next pet, please step forward...

ROXY! our 6 month old chocolate lab puppy~
shaking her head, scratching her ears....like CRAZZZZY!
hence, ANOTHER visit to the VET!
$140 later, we leave with medication for her ear infection!
ok.
...breeeeeeeeathe....

(somewhere in here my water got shut off too :)
that was LOOOOOVELY :)

what was next?
oh yes!
holy shit-sicles batman!!!
yes ~ BAT-man!
so, i wake up~ & go to shut my sliding glass door ~
& i almost step on this THING!
I am all alone in the house (so I TALK to myself!)
"WHAT is THAT? a HAIRBALL? (Gloria, our long-haired cat, hacks up these uber-disgusting hairballs that closely resemble a dead, regurgetated mouse!)
as I get closer...

"NO! it's not a hairball ~ what the fudge-cracker IS THAT THING? a dead MOUSE???
it's at the foot of my bed, and about 2 feet away from my sleeping (& apparently VERRRRY clueless 13 year old golden retreiver, Copper!)
"NO! It's NOT a mouse! HOLY FUCK!!! It's A BAT!!!!!
What the FUCK are you doing in my house?!?!
WHY are you DEAD???
WHY ARE YOU ON MY FLOOR????
HOW did you get into my HOUSE?!?!?!"

(yes, I am screaming these words to this little, creepy, dead bat on my floor!)
he did NOT answer me~
but he TOOOOOOOOTALLY creeped me out!!!
oh MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
......inha..........
FUCK!
.....inhaaaaa.......
what the FUCK!?!?
...inhale.
holy SHIT!!!!
....inhale......................
shake. shake. shake.
try not to throw up.
try not to fall down, cuz i'm so freaking freaked out i can hardly stand up!!!
FUCK!!!
fucking bat!

i still don't know how he got in...
open door, open window, cats, ....
freaking freaky shit-balls!!!
............exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.....
OH MY GOD!
(took me a while to get over this one!)

the next day there was a dead mouse on my doorstep~
but, that, has become just about as common as finding dirty laundry under the couch :)
i don't even flinch anymore!
brave me :)
ok.
next?

oh! i ALMOST forgot!
tuesday night, Clara thought she would do her regular old "Spiderman Jump" off the top bunk~
BUT~
she SLIPPED!
SCREAMING!
SCREAMING!
and MORE FREAKING SCREAMING!!!
4 hours in the emergency room (till 2am!)
and she has this lovely light blue cast!
(i KNOW it's sideways! i can't figure out how 2 turn it :)
BROKE her arm!
no swimming :(
and i suppose she'll be wearing a plastic bag on her arm at the beach :(

then ~ Gloria~ our LONG-haired cat~
i THOUGHT she had some burr/sticker-type things matted in her fur, at the base of her tale~ i tried to look, but she HISSSSED profusely at me :(
so~ i let her be.
a few days later, in a swift movemont of fluff-blall going past me~
i GLIMPSED blood~
are you freaking kidding me???
again~ she would barely let me close enough to look~ (i still have the bloody scratchmarks on my hand to prove it!)
....
can you guess???
YES! so, here we all are, in the car~ AGAIN...
on the way to the VET...AGAIN!!!
the verdict?
she was BIT by SOMETHING...
cat, raccoon, coyote?
we consider her VERRRRRY lucky~ our cat before her, "FUR", was EATEN by a coyote in our freakin-frackin driveway for crap sakes!
SORT of funny~ her wound, is in the shape of a HEART!

even more odd~ this summer, the neighbor cat scratched her eye (almost OUT) ~ she almost lost it~ tore right through the cornea & pupil...
NOW, her pupil is shaped like a HEART!!!
strange & cute coincidence, eh?
her visit was $140...(i wonder if the vet people SEE my pain when I hand them my credit card for the 4th time this month?)
SURELY...they MUST :(

oh, let's see~ while we were at the vet with Gloria~ i asked the good doctor about Copper~ he's having "pooping" problems & had BLOOD in his poop :(
so, tests, tests, and more tests!
almost $500 today at the vet!

dear me. dear me.

so, the kids, in an effort to help me with the ever-insurmountable pile of vet bills~ are going to do a PET FUNDRAISER!!! They are drawing animal pictures & are going to sell them to help mama pay the bills! How adorable is THAT???

.....inhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.................

....exhale......

can somebody remind me how to breathe?

cause the breath has been knocked out of me & i'm feelin' a little freaking light-headed!?

day by day.

LOVE&peace.
e.

p.s. tomorrow morning, the kids & i are on "pee collection duty" for Copper & then have to drop his "sample" at the vet!
GOOD TIMES!!!

p.p.s. keep your eyes open for the PET FUNDRAISER art sale :)

2 things

2009-07-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

1. i can't find my camera :(

2. my blog is having "issues" with internet explorer. i do not speak computer language ~
BUT if you use Internet Explorer & type in www.blujaystudio.com, it doesn't work!!!
same with my www.butterflywarriors.com
so~ 2 choices:
1. type in www.blujaystudio.blogspot.com & www.butterflywarriors.blogspot.com
OR
2. switch to a different server :)
I downloaded FIREFOX for free & it's much better & quicker than IE anyway~

that's it!

I have another post 2 post~ but i NEED the photos that go with it~
CAMERA!!! WHere the fudge-cracker are YOU???

peace&LOVE.
e

p.s. DANA! this song is for YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! xoxo

do it anyway

2009-06-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

first off~ pardon my french! if you're sensitive to f-bombs, skip this post :)

you know, i am not one to give a shit what other people think about me. i'm NOT. i've got to say, i am feeling completely overwhelmed & under-inspired lately. i feel STUCK. i feel in LIMBO. i feel like i'm sleep-walking. i feel powerLESS. i find myself asking ~ what's the fucking point?erica, what is the point in doing the laundry, when, by the time i am finished folding the clothes & putting them away ~ i turn around to find a whole freaking wack-load of dirty clothes all over the laundry room floor, the bathroom floor, the kids bedroom, the hallway, under the couch, behind the toilet (my kids are VERRRY imaginative in their hiding places :)erica, what is the point in spending all this time & energy in cleaning the kitchen? doing the dishes? putting the papers way? ~ when, after the kids have come home from school & by dinner time, the kitchen is a freaking disaster zone & there is NO CLEAN SPACE ANYWHERE in sight???what's the point?what's the point in TRYING to make money, to pay my bills & take care of my family, when I come home to find a SHUT-OFF NOTICE for my water? That is COMPLETELY out of my control? a bill that is someone else's responsibility, but since he chooses to flake on that responsibility, I now have 10 minutes to run down & pay $250.00 to have my water turned back on, so that my kids & I can bathe & shower & flush the freaking toilet before the next school day?what is the point?erica, what is the point in being honest & caring & hopeful & open-hearted??? when, EVERY freaking time, he uses my GOODESS as my weak spot (and kicks me in my bad knee just like that ass-hole did to Daniel, in Karate Kid!!) why? why can't they PLAY FAIR??? with grace & dignity? what's the freaking point???so~ here i am ~ with dishes, and laundry, and mess, and stacks of bills, and an injured heart ~ asking myself WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT???

and, THEN, i happened upon the quote below, which made me SMILE...and reminded me how very important it is NOT to let the bastards in the world change who I AM!

I am who I am~ and that makes me, ME!

I can't let the negativity & lies & deceit of OTHERS change who I am!

I can't let THEIR shitty attitude & poor choices make me cynical and hardened!!!

NO FUCKING WAY!

Cause, that would be like me handing my power over & saying, "Here you go~ you suck, you big fat liar, you suck, but I'm just going to give up & allow you to CHANGE me~ I give up. you WIN."

no sir! NO FUCKING WAY!!!

I will not give my power away~

NEVER again!

I will not allow another person to chip away at my soul

& take away beautiful pieces of me~

little by little~

until I can hardly recognize the girl in the mirror!

NOPE!

I am going to STAND UP & STOMP MY FEET

& WAVE MY ARMS & say FUCK YOU!!!

you are NOT good for me

I DESERVE better!

and

I will NOT SETTLE for less

good idea, eh?

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The kindness you show today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Be kind anyway.

Honesty and Frankness will make you vulnerable

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by The smallest person with the smallest mind

.Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight

Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you help them.

Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you’ve got and You might get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!!!"

-Author unknown

it's time to trade in the coffee & smokes...

for smoothies, vitamins, art, & exercise!!!

so, here's to NEW BEGINNINGS!

today, I start my transformation challenge!

time to trade in OLD THOUGHT PATTERNS & beliefs

for TRUTH & LOVE & PEACE.

kisses

xoxoxo

one of THOSE days~!

2009-06-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

don't you just hate THOSE days? you know, the ones that seem to spin COMPLETELY out of your control??? i SWEAR~ i had a whole weekend of them 2 weeks ago~ when i SHOULD have been getting ready for my art show~ but my cat got stuck in a tree for 3 days . . .
you kNOW?
it's like~ i REEEEEEEALLY have other things i need to be doing right now!?!?
then~ YESTERDAY~ spun completely out of control right before my very eyes... i had a VERRRY important meeting at 9am....so, i get in my car at 8:55 (yes, i have a problem with time management :)
anyway~ my car is DEADER than a freaking doornail!!!!!!!!! so, i call my trusty neighbor, who hops on his 4-wheeler, brings over a battery & jumper cables.... oh DEAR! no juice! so, it "charges" for hours...still, NOTHING! This also just so happens to be my first non-smoking day!!! ~ OF COURSE!!!

so, then, my other trusty neighbor does some of his magic & we let it charge AGAIN~ so, i'm STUCK at home~ i think I'll WORKOUT! you know ~ kickbox some ASS!!! ...so, i change my clothes, get set up, about to push play on my dvd~ then my lawyer calls, which, in a divorce, anytime the lawyer calls~ it's never good news.
so~ another hour goes by~ then another phone call...so, oh~ nevermind! it's hurting my head to say it all again!!!
so, let's just suffice to say, that I had ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!!
and when it came to be bbq & wine time with friends~ i did some good, deep, ......inhales....& exhales..............................
peace.LOVE.&cupcakes.
e.
p.s. it feels like EVERYTHING is an uphill battle ~ i HATE THAT!!!
oh yes! it is JUNE & YES! i am wearing flip flops & a fluffy scarf :)

s'up?

2009-06-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

so, I was going thru my old blog posts, looking for a picture of a painting I did a year or so ago~ because, in the kicking&biting-scuffle called DIVORCE~ all of my photos (including all of my ARTWORK!) magically dissapeared ~ ERASED off the computer! funny coincidence? i think not.

anyway~ i got into reading some posts from last summer & i found myself INSPIRED! inspired to tell you more, inspired to stop holding back, inspired to put it all out there again~

so. i am.

but, first, a REEEEEEEEEALLY FUNNY & a little frustrating tale from the motherhood trenches! ok, so! the other day, Franky & I are in the laundry room, getting him a clean outfit for school. (the laundry room door is LITERALLY 2 feet away from the bathroom door. you'll see why this is important in about 30 seconds :)

anyway, i reach down to grab a sock off the laundry room floor~ and it's WET...(weird!)...then i rub my hand around on the ground....WET! (even weirder!) ~ i'm thinking the washing machine is leaking! then, i see the outside of the cat litter box is WET! (at this point Frank is looking at me weird, but, i DON'T CLUE IN!) ...the cat's litterbox has a cover~ with an air vent on the top...so, i'm saying "WHAT THE HECK IS ALL THIS???"...then i see WET on the TOP of the litterbox cover ~...and IN THE VENT!!!... i give Frank "the eyes"...and he lets out, "IM SO SO SO SORRY MOM! I REEEEEEALLY HAD TO PEE! I COULDN'T WAIT!!!".....

OMG! he PEED in the cat litter box (thru the vent in the TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am laughing, and crying & smiling & telling Frank ~ "next time, take 2 steps & use the TOILET! You are NOT a cat!?!?!?"

oooooooooooooooooooh my~ GOOD TIMES!!!

....breathe in..............

...breathe out......................

movin on.

i'm really feeling the need to get my ass in gear & get my shit together ~ in more ways than one! but, i'll tell you what~ as a single mom with 3 kids, 2 dogs, & 2 cats~ (& a certain dark shadow, lurking behind every corner, ready & waiting to kick my feet out from under me at any moment) . . .it can be pretty tough! and you know what they say???

when the going gets tough...

PUT ON YOUR RED COWGIRL BOOTS & KICK ASS!!!

so~

i'm going to do the "be the change challenge" , which means:

quit smoing

eat healthier

workout/yoga at LEAST 5 times a week

ART daily

...

and, i'm sure i'll be adding more to the list!

so, remember ~

don't let the BASTARDS get you down!

(that's from a song~ i can't remember which though~)

ok~ am i rambling??? 2 more days of school for the kids & then SUMMER VACATION!

which, by the way, is the time we ALWAYS go to Utah for 2 weeks to visit my family.

WHICH, by the way, we WILL NOT be doing this year~

BECAUSE~

in this kicking & biting scuffle called DIVORCE ~

someone thinks he needs to CONTROL me still!

and, since we are in Canada~ (even though me & my kids are all US CITIZENS) we are not "ALLOWED" to leave British Columbia without his "PERMISSION" ~ and, since that is the only thing he can control~ of course, he WON'T LET US GO!!!

yep! You heard me right! He is keeping me from my mom & dad, my sisters & brothers, neices, nephews, aunt, grandma, grandpa, granny, friends~

(this is my adorable brother & his adorbale wife

& their adorable baby BooBoo - still in her tummy :)

we're not ALLOWED to go visit them in Oregon when the baby is BORN!?!?!?

he is keeping our kids from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-grandparents & friends~

yep. yep. yEP!

I tell you~ it's abso-FREAKING-lutely mind-boggling the things that go on!

ridiculous, actually, the way he thinks he has the RIGHT to keep us from our family. disgusting, is more like it. makes me want to vomit.

BLAAAAAAAAAH!

BLEEEEEEECH!

BAWAAAAAAAAA!!!

(those were my puking sounds :)

that's it. i'm back. ... and i'm lettin' it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall out :)

peace.LOVE.&cupcakes.

ever been to a rodeo???

2009-06-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

I wonder if any of these "MEN" (and I use the term VERRRRRRRRRRRRRY loosely) have ever seen the Olympics? or any other REAL sport? you know, one that actually requires TALENT, as opposed to just a HATEFUL attitude followed up by a cowboy boot?

just curious!

peace.LOVE.&cupcakes.
e.

one of my most favoritest students!!!

2009-06-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

"I like Erica and her art class!

It's so much fun! I enjoy going to her art classes. My favourite part is making pottery, painting, and meeting new friends.
Art makes me feel happy!"

~Isabel age 10

butterfly warriors!

art empowerment camp for girls

currently registering for July 20th -24th

*only a few spots left!*

i am thinking of doing a boys camp for 1 week

my little Franky is worried about being the only boy...

I told him, he is a DRAGONFLY WARRIOR!

...and, we all know, dragonflies & butterflies love each other~

so...how about a dragonfly warrior camp!?

what do you think???

if you want you little warrior to join us for camp~

please email me at ericatheartist@gmail.com

my art show is tomorrow~

i am busy, eating cupcakes & painting my ASSSSSSSS off :)

peace.LOVE.&cupcakes!

lately . . .

2009-06-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder where my time goes~

so, i ask myself...and here's where it's gone lately...

i've been busy painting...

...getting ready for my art show

giving my disgustingly crackly & crusty feet a pedicure )

doing some soul-refreshing kundalini yoga...

playing in my garden...

drinking fruit smoothies...

and getting ready for my

butterfly warriors art camp!

AND then~

my girlfriend, Meeja

(who i've known since 8th grade, & we've had a helluva lotta wonderful times together!. . . ooooh we were naughty!!! remember~ "why is my hair curly? it wasn't curly last night?!?!? ha haha haha ha :)

sent me this & I thought i'd better share (since we all enjoy a good laugh!)

it's "Women's words to live by!" ~ AMEN!!!

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

(the house, the car, the condo, the dog~ Ken~altho we all know he's gay :)

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

(ooooooooooooh YA BABY!!!)

3. Take life with a pinch of salt ... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

("1, 2, 3,...GO!")

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

(ready PEEPS?)

5. Go on the 30 day diet.

(I've been on it for about 1/2 the time and so far I've already lost 15 days).

( i can only ever last LESS than a week :)

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

(you KNOW i own a pair of big girl panties! i do! i swear!. . . i just can't seem to find them! . . . only polka dotty, lacey, fun ones~!. . . maybe i packed them away with the winter parkas :)

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

(that one's FUUUUUUUUUNNY!!! it couldn't POSSIBLEY be true! no! NO! NO!)

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

(i'm rather fond of this one too :)

(they do know me! they even call me by my name, which, btw, when i meet someone i don't ever want to see again~ and they ask me my name~ it's JANET!)

don't ask why~ it just is.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

(you KNOW it!)

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

( i HATE it when that happens! . . so uncomfortable too :)

11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

(don't forget the ICE! ~ AMEN!)

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man ... there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

(is this true p.b.? is there somebody out there sick of your shit? :) no, couldn't be! not my p.b.! :) cupcake wings don't do bullshit ~

(except ONCE ~ for 3 days!!!)

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

(i think i ate some shit food here~ bloated . . regardless, Frank & I are CHILLIN~)

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's going to give you trouble.

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...no comment :)

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong :)

(yeah~ i'm so there!)

have a BEAUTIFUL weekend! enjoy the sun~!

i am being held HOSTAGE today by my monster house~ it is MAKING me clean!!!

tomorrow~ the BEACH!!!

peace.LOVE.&cupcakes.

eRiCa-isms

2009-06-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

how do i know when i've done one?

it ususally starts with...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!"

what DEFINES an eRiCa-ism?

i think the common denominators are:

1. stupid

2. funny

3. mildly dangerous or with some consequence?!

i had one today~

and i thought i'd share!

today, i had my cell phone in the back pocket of my jeans (good place for it, right?) i thought so! so~ i'm outside with Franky, Copper, & ROxy~ they are playing...i'm PLANTING. i've been drinking coffee all morning (because that is one of my LoVeS!) ~ and, consequently, i have to pEE~! so~ i throw off my gardening gloves~ & run in the house...unzip...pull down my pants...SPLASH!?!?!

followed by...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!"

i jumped up & SCREAMED in horror as my dear sweet cell phone gurgled for help at the bottom of the toilet! (it had gone in the hole~ i could BARELY see it!)

now, i know what you're thinking...and NO~ there were no BODILY WASTE byproducts in the toilet yet~ THANKFULLY!!!

so...needless to say~ it's NOT HAPPY!!! it is currently in 3 parts~ DESPERATELY trying to dry out....

OH OH oH!

here's how you know, or I know, when i have committed an eRiCa-ism~

i find myself googling "cell phone water"!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!

want to know another one i did recently?

this one is HILARIOUS!

my regular morning routine~ i went outside with my smoke & my coffee to take the dogs for a pee.

while outside i:

1. throw the ball for them

2. drink my coffee

3. smoke my cig

& 4. talk (on the above mentioned cell phone :) to my cupcake angel

so~...i'm on the phone, talking, drinking coffee, throwing the ball for the dogs,...smoking....WAIT! i'm NOT smoking! WHERE did i put my cig??? i'm looking, i'm looking, i'm looking......can't find it! now, cupcake angel is getting a play-by-play over the phone, as i repeatedly say, "where the f@%& did i put my smoke?" ~ while spinning in circles on the grass~ looking EVERYWHERE!...no cig!

oh! i know! when i'm heading out the door...with a coffee in one hand & the dog's ball in the other~ i tuck my smoke BEHIND my ear~ (which, by the way, cupckake boy tells me is EXTREMELY IRRESISTABLE & SUPER-SEXY-HOT! :)

he he he

so, as i'm saying this to him, and reaching up for my ear, i gasp, "it wouldn't be behind my ear~ IT'S LIT! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?! Dear God, please tell me I didn't tuck a LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND MY EAR?!?!?!?!"

wait....

here it comes....

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!!!

yes, friends, i did! ...and needless to say, i singed, cinged my hair! (how do you spell that word? the ones that means not quite burnt, but, melty & shrinky & smelly!?)

i will tell you one thing~

whenever i do an 'eRiCa-ism' ~

i ALWAYS always ALWAYS find myself

LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!

funny, eh? tell me something stupid you did?!?!

it's good to share!

i NEED more LAUGHTER :)

don't we all???

peace.LOVE.&cupcakes.

words of wisdom

2009-06-05T12:09:00.001-07:00

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

It's OK to let your children see you cry.

Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple (or dye your hair purple :)

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

peace.love.&cupcakes.

p.s. i'm working on a new painting ~ and a new video!

(it involves a yellow canvas, a nightgown, a little boy, a green cowboy hat...and a few scarves...so far!)

stay tuned :)

i'm SO EXCITED!!!

2009-06-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

i'm going to be doing summer art camps!

(scroll to the VERRRRY bottom & "PAUSE" the music player BEFORE you "PLAY" the video! or else you'll have 2 music's happenin at the same time! :)

butterfly warriors!

~art empowerment camp for girls~

more to come!

PEACE.love.&CUPCAKES!

little girls changing the world from mccabe russell on Vimeo.

random happiness

2009-05-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

Name one thing that almost always cheers you up when you need it?

my sister! she is so fucking funny & just has a WAY of cracking me up so good I get tears & just about pee my pants!

What makes you smile instantly?

seeing my P.B.'s smile

Are you silly or just plain goofy?

i think most affectionately call it CRAZY ~

What makes you happy at this time in your life?

knowing that i am free, that i don't "belong" to anyone, that i am the creator of my own dreams & my own reality, & that i can do ANYTHING i fucking set my mind to! (how about them apples!?)

Do you have a reason to be cheerful today?

MANY!!! would you like 1? look at that photo above ~ there's my top 3!

Do you smile at yourself in the mirror? come on you can admit it. Your with friendly people.

actually, i do! why? because when i look into the mirror~

i, now,

see ME!

not a "shell" or a "ghost" of me, like i used to! in that mirror, i smile~ because i now see on the OUTSIDE, the person i am on the inside ~ and she's not AFRAID anymore! i see a beautiful, caring, wonderful, not-perfect, from the heart, truth-speaking, outspoken, healing, strong, saucy, spicy, magical, sparkling woman! that's why i smile at her :)

Does money really make you happy?

absolutely not! (don't get me wrong~ money IS wonderful! but, i've had it all ripped from my hands, and i am HAPPIER in this moment than i have EVER been!) the THINGS that bring happiness into my life~ money can NOT buy!?: love, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, understanding, compassion, friendship, intimacy, family, truth, stars, sunshine, blue skies, songs, flowers, beauty, and cupcakes ...to name just a FEW!

Can you will yourself to be happy?

this is a TOUGH one~ i'd have to say, SOMETIMES~ but it sure helps when the wonderful angels surrounding me blow away the dark clouds & remind me that the BULLSHIT is just that...bullSHIT!!!...then i remember what really matters.

What's something that always kills your happiness?

sucky, pathetic, losers, users, abusers, free-loaders, liars, manipulators, 2-faced sons-of-a-so&so...and, YES! it IS humanly possible for 1 person to be ALL of these things! ~ WOW! who knew, eh?

Are you happy?

ECSTATIC!!!!

Where is your happy place? Paint me a picture.

right where i am. with my precious kids, amazing family, kick-ass friends, and my amazing cupcake angel :) ~ living the life that I CHOOSE to live! the way I WANT to live it! being surrounded by LOVE, breathing in FREEDOM every moment of every day... anfd marveling at the small, ordinary, AMAZING moments that used to pass me by~

What are seven things that you are immensely grateful for right now?

i think i may have answered this already~ but, here goes:

1. my angel babies

2. my wickedly wonderful family

3. my rockstar girlfriends

4. my P.B. (a.k.a. 'cupcake angel')

5. my ability to LEARN from my mistakes

(not always the FIRST time :)

6. my strength

7. the earth, the sky, the sun, the stars & every living being in between

Are you really happy or just pretend to be?

oh dear lord! are you KIDDING me? there is no PRETENDING with me! if i am not happy~ you WILL know it~ without a doubt!

i wear my happiness

on my face, in my smile, in my eyes, in my posture, in my walk, in my wiggle, in my hips, in my song, in my laugh, in the food i make, on my canvas, in my voice, in my touch, in my outstretched arms, in my hands

~ and in my kiss~

i am blissfully happy :)

......why can't I stop smiling?

well, you know...

cause it REALLY IS THAT GOOD!!!

love&hugs& a smack on the ass!

p.s. tell me what makes YOU happy!!!

what do YOU want to do???

2009-05-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

you REALLY can...

REALLY!!!

have a FABULOUS sunday!

LOVE.

HAPPINESS is . . .

2009-05-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

click on my nail polish...

& enjoy :)

LOVE.

what is NORMAL

2009-05-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

..and~
i just HAD to add this video...it's TOO CUTE! ~ made me SMILE!
enjoy!
e.

late night ramblings

2009-05-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

here's the thing... i can LIVE ... you know, LIVE, like everyone else. "making busy", doing the day to day shit~ doing what OTHERS expect me to do, what OTHERS SAY i should do. for crap sakes, i am 36. i am the mother of 3. there are certain things i am "expected" to do~...p.t.a....dance classes...hockey lessons... idle chit-chat with people i really don't give a rat's ass about... wearing my lululemon's (you know, to fit the hip mama mold) & blah-blah-blah-blahbetty-blah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

for WHAT??? is there a mold? do YOU come from a mold? do you WANT to fit into a mold? i know. i KNOW~ there is a certain pressure~ ESPECIALLY when you're a MOM! like...hair??? HELLLLOOOO!? does your hair fit the MOMMY mold? yeah~....;.NO! or your CAR? or what your kids do? ... have you ever sat around with a bunch of moms~...and LISTENED? like, not talked...but, LISTENED? really~ not that it's all the same~ but, BUT, BUT!

when did it happen that it all became a contest? how did we get to a place where we have to compare everything? or everybody? or our KIDS??? try to out-DO each other?

now~ for the record...my PEEPS~ my girlfriends, the ones who have my back, no matter what~ they are NOT the ones i am talkig about~ they ROCK! they KICK ASS!!! & they know where it's at!

so~ who are we doing this for? are we trying to fool THEM?~ no. no. no. i think we are trying to fool OURSELVES! for crying out loud ladies!!! who gives a fuck????

reALLY!

who gives a shit what sports team your little Johnny got accepted in? or what elite dance class little Sarah is in? ya~ the one that lots of other kids can't afford or get into?...~ GOOD FOR YOU!

c'MON MAN! who gives a shit????

is that REALLY what matters??? is it??? if you were to get hit by a Twinkie truck tomorrow~ or, worse, little Johnny got hit by a bus~

what would you say REALLY mattereed? is it your lululemon pants? is it that elite hockey or dance class? IS IT?>>>>>>>>????????????? is it??????????

OR!

is it the TIME~ the time~ when the music was off. the dance class got cancelled. you said, "screw it!" to that extra hockey practice~ that TIME you had ~ you 2 REALLY had ~ to share. to talk,. to laugh. to read. to snuggle. to look into each other's eyes. you know, you let the dishes sit in the sink. you let the laundry pile up~

what?

what matters?

i am thinking that we give WAY TOO MUCH time and energy here on this precious planet~ we GIVE IT, we WASTE it~ on THINGS that REEEEEEEEEEALLY don't matter, not really.

it's the SIMPLE things that matter.

ok~ i've said my peace.

good night!

LOVE.

adventures with Bobby!

2009-05-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Give the world

the best you have

and the best

will come back

to you.

-- Madeline Bridges

my little Lucy lost her "brownie doll", and i was helping her look for it. she said the last time she saw the doll~ she was SNUGGLING her in her bed~

so, i took off all the blankets, sheets, pillows, dolls, stuffed animals...no brownie doll.

Franky's bed is right next to Lucy's...so, i did the same to his bed...he had batman toys, books, stuffed animals, and a little plastic lizard...

but, no doll.

so, we went to brownies & came home a few hours later.. i was outside with the dogs when i hear all this screaming inside...

"THERE'S A LIZARD IN FRANKY's BED!?!?"

i came in the house, LAUGHING, and telling them, "It's a PLASTIC lizard!"... (they kept screaming :)

so, i went downstairs, all CALM, ready to show them the PLASTIC lizard...but, when i got there...and looked CLOSER..

he wasn't so plastic after all!!!

we get tons of these cute little guys around the OUTSIDE of our house all summer~ but, SOMEHOW, this one made it inside, made his way past 2 dogs, 2 cats, 3 kids, 1 very perceptive mom (ha ha)...

and into Franky's bed!!!

the kids named him "BOBBY"!

Bobby went to school the next day & Franky & Lucy introduced him to their classmates~...then later that night, a tearful good-bye ...

as we set "Bobby" free~ back in the bushes~ to go find his family :)

Thanks for the adventure Bobby!!!

LOVE.

life lessons~ things i have learned~

2009-05-08T09:37:00.001-07:00

throughout life, we are faced with challenges.

but, it seems like, for me,

i've been getting a shit-load lately.

par for the course, i suppose.

divorce.

i swear, life is a CONTINUOUS lesson!

every day, every freaking day, ~ something new!

and so~ i thought i'd scribble down some of what i've found...

while travelling through my journey ,

i have several friends who have gone through divorce~ and in sharing our stories, i have found that there are 2 types of men.

there is the man who accepts it for what it is, who deals with it like a grown-up, who behaves like a human being, who acts & speaks RESPECTFULLY, who LOVES his kids and put their needs BEFORE his own, who is willing to go WITHOUT, so that his FAMILY gets what they need, ~ and does, what he knows in his heart, is the RIGHT thing to do.

...and then, there is the OTHER type of man, who becomes bitter, and angry, and CONSUMED by hatred & revenge. his purpose is to BLAME & LIE. he views it as a FIGHT & he MUST WIN at all costs ~ no matter who gets hurt in the process! his role is to MAKE HER PAY for DARING to leave him. his heart is cold and hard and his eyes are not WILLING to see the truth. his life becomes miserable & dark &

his sole purpose is to create pain & misery.

i have met both types. and, it's crazy~ it's like they were made from a different mold? come from different planets? what is COMMON SENSE to one, is a FOREIGN LANGUAGE to the other. it is AMAZING & CRAZY ~ when we have a CHOICE to make, that effects our lives & the lives of people we "LOVE"~ it amazes me, why some CHOOSE the selfish, negative and debilitating, and another will choose selflessness, honesty, and kindness. it is a choice. we can only choose for ourself. hmmmmmmmm.....

i have found that the pride of an angry man has the power to take-over his sense of honesty and common sense.

i have found that behaviours are passed from father to son.

i have found that people will only change when they really WANT to.

i have found that people CAN only change

when they ACCEPT that what they are doing is wrong.

i have found that people can be

absolutely CONSUMED

by hatred & vengeance.

i have found that EVIL does exist,

so that GOODNESS can prove it's purity above it.

i have found that, sitting around, WISHING & HOPING & PRAYING for things to be different~

is a big, fat WASTE of time.

i have found that, if I want CHANGE,

only I can make CHANGE happen!

i have found that, in the game of life,

i don't have to keep the cards i'm "dealt" ... i have learned, that i am a PLAYER in this game, and if i don't like my cards...

it's up to me to KEEP PLAYING,

until i get what i want~

NEVER to GIVE UP or QUIT!!!

i have found that there is

a lesson in EVERYTHING.

i have found that, the more effort that goes into BREAKING me down,

the STRONGER i become.

I have learned, that someone who

intentionally HURTS me,

does NOT "LOVE ME".

I am in charge of my own happiness.

i have found that

i AM as BRAVE

as i need to be.

i have found that, no matter how many times i get my feet kicked out from under me,

i WILL get up,

every fucking time!

i have found that, i am NOT the lies that other people tell.

i have found that

SPEAKING UP & SPEAKING OUT

is the only way to live truthfully.

i have learned to

focus on joy & happiness,

instead of dwelling on past hurts.

i have learned that, "This is it!" ~

i'm not waiting around for a 2nd lifetime~

THIS is it, right HERE! Right NOW!

money does NOT mean HAPPINESS.

i am just fine, all by myself.

i don't need somebody else to complete me.

i am STRONGER than i have ever imagined.

i am not perfect, and that is ok.

i do NOT need to change who i am, in order to be loved.

all of my little quirks make me, ME!

and the people who love me & care about me~ accept me for who i am, UNCONDITIONALLY.

i choose LOVE.

i choose HONESTY.

i choose INTEGRITY.

i choose PEACE.

i choose HAPPINESS.

i AM a warrior!

love.

today's to DO list:

2009-05-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

live with intention

walk to the edge

listen hard

practice wellness

play with abandon

laugh

choose with no regret

continue to learn

appreciate my friends

do what i love

live as if this is all there is.

LOVE.

p.s. "click HERE"

for a special TREAT :)

why my adventure was so ~WICKED~

2009-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

so~

rewind a few weeks, when i flew home for my birthday...

there was a MAster Plan~

it was a Girl's Night Out!

It was me,

my best friend,

my mom,

her best friend,

my sister & her gorgous baby!

we got all dressed up~

(lip gloss & BLUSH :)

drank wine & ate at a fancy~pantsy restaurant...

and....THEN!

we went to the theater for a LIVE show!!!

now, i knew nothing about 'WICKED'~

other than my sister had seen it a few times...New York & Cali...

and had it tatooed on her back :)

it was AAAAAAMAZING!!!

click on the image below to see what it's about~!

it was a FABULOUS birthday night!

thanks GIRLS!!!

BOO!

love.

mermaid love. birthday love. butterfly love.

2009-05-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

~ my birthday with my babies~

ok. so, i made this sweet little mermaid doll a WAAAAAAAYS back~

i'm lucky though. because, apparently, mermaids are very PATIENT creatures!

a quality i reeeeeeally admire in a person...or a fish :)

hardy-har-har!!!

anywhooo~ she'll be up for grabs on eBay~

auctions begins tonight, & the opening bid is only 99-FREAKING cents!

so get you ass over THERE & bid on her!!! :)

c'MON man! did u hear me???

look how freaking adorable she is!?!?

you know u want her~

now, get TO IT!

remember, it old u what my sweet peas did for me?
my gorgous birthday breakfast~ too cute!!!

then, a very special friend took us out for ICE CREAM cake!!!
hubba! hubba!
...AND...
remember, i told u about a veddddddy special gift i got?

this is what my sweet cupcake angel gave me for my special day!
~isn't it is so perfect !?~

the butterfly symbolizes new life from an old one.
the butterfly stands for freedom, fun and joyous times.
It is also symbolises a state of naturalness and purity.

The Butterfly is a Symbol of Change,
Resurrection,
Transition,
Celebration,
Lightness,
Time,
Young Love
and The Soul.

this is MY year of the butterfly!

c'Mon ladies! raise your glasses...

a toast!

"to the beautiful butterfly & all her magic!"

CHEERS!

here! here!

LOVE&hugs~
e.

he's back!

2009-04-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

he's back! he's back! he's back!!!

my ruby-throated hummingbird is back!!! the same little guy that led me to the start of my journey last summer! he's back~ TODAY, to remind me of all that he stands for...

Hummingbirds, are considered to be symbols of

peace, love and happiness.

He also symbolizes

timless joy and the Nectar of Life.

It's a symbol for

accomplishing that which seems impossible

and will teach you how to find

the miracle of joyful living

from your own life circumstances.

They have a lot to teach a person about

self discovery and healing.

It stands for immortality. Or sometimes the Sun. Hummingbird is seen by some as a messenger of love and joy. It symbolises energy, wonder and swift action.

thank you little spirit~ for REMINDING me of what is truly important! you bring me joy~ every time i hear your litle buzz...buzz......buzzz.......

LOVE.

p.s. and thank you~ all of you, my dear friends, for the wonderful Birthday wishes! I had a FANTASTIC DAY!!! (got something vedddddy SPECIAL~ will show you soon :)

birthday blessings

2009-04-27T20:19:00.001-07:00

it was a day just like today...

36 years ago~

. . .

~April 28, 1973~

(thanks MOM :)

instead of counting candles...

i think i'll count blessings:

1. my 3 angel babies: Clara, Lucy, & Franky

2. my amazing mom & dad

3. my rockin family (you know who you are :)

4. my kick ass friends

5. my health

6. cheesecake

7. red geraniums

8. laying on my back, in the grass, watching clouds

9. cupcake kisses

10. fresh lavander

11. salt & vinegar kettle chips

12. feeling the sun on my face

13. listening to my kids play together

(when they don't know i'm listening)

14. puppy breath

15. Copper (my 13 year old Golden retreiver)

16. all plants

17. starbucks tall, mild coffee,

2 pumps white mocha, 1 cream:)

18. vegetarian pad thai

19. watching to my kids sleep

20. the smell of fresh rain

21. dancing madly

22. expressing myself THRU art

23. a home-grown tomato, fresh from the garden,

sliced nice, & piled with salt & peppa!

24. red wine

25. purple hair

26. shooting stars

27. my secret recipe popcorn

28. listening to my kids laugh

29. fanta red cream soda

30. warm summer nights

31. learning to let go

32. saying "fuck it!" (when absolutely necessary :)

33. feeling

34. giving love

35. being loved

36. the breath i am breathing right NOW~

there is so much more~ but, really!

i've got to go & have myself a good time on my special day!

CHEERS!

LOVE.

p.s. my little 3 year old, cutie-pie niece,

Mendela Rose, took this photo of me~

we were playing in the blossoms & hootin' it up!

not a bad photographer, eh? :)

~free to be ME~

2009-04-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

Don't ask

'what the world needs',

ASK:

what makes you come alive,

and

GO DO IT!

Because,

what the world needs...

is people

who have come ~ALIVE~!

what makes YOU come ~ALIVE~?

me? i thought i'd i paint my tOeS to match my hAiR!

and put this pretty little painting on eBAY~

(auction will start at 7:30 PDT tonight :)

watchoo doin this weekend?

something FUN, i hope :)

LOVE.love.LOVE.

my "WICKED" adventure!

2009-04-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

"DREAM as if you'll live forever~

LIVE as if you'll die TODAY!"

SURPRISE!

my mom & dad flew me home (to Utah) for my birthday!

I got to spend 5 days with my mom, my dad,

my big brother Travis, his adorable boys~ Zach & Alex, my sister by choice~ Ali,

my beautiful, magical, amazing sister Nicole,

my gorgous, angel-baby niece Mendela,

my sweet baby brother Ben,

and my dearest, wonderful, kindred spirit & friend since 7th grade~ Heidi!

Did I happen to mention that my little Mendela is just so DELICIOUS, I could eat her up, all day, every day??? YUMMALICIOUS!!!!!

I had a FABULOUS trip! Lots of adventures...stay tuned! more to come :)

LOVE.
e

my WICKED baby!

2009-04-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

the POWER of POSITIVE CHOICES

2009-04-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

"Honoring your unique self in life gives you an edge. Uncovering the real truth about your personal style and your preferences allows you to create a lifestyle that’s in alignment with who you really are – not the person someone else urged you to be. Part of your subtraction process needs to be deleting other people’s expectations and agendas for your life. By subtracting their scripts for you, you can write your own screenplay, choosing every detail, including only additions that you love. Carefully evaluate which life choices nourish you and which ones deplete your sense of well-being. Those insights are the gems from which you craft your original life episodes.

Inquiry: Are you following someone else’s casting call? Are you an artist at heart dressed up in a suit? Or a country soul living in a high-rise studio apartment? Have you made lifestyle choices because you were supposed to? What parts of yourself are you not honoring? Release your attachment to other people’s approval and set yourself free to select only the Positive Choices that are best for you."

your choice. choose wisely :)

LOVE.

p.s. Excerpted from The Power of Positive Choices: Adding and Subtracting Your Way to a Great Life

the peaceful warrior

2009-04-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

"Once

there was a young warrior.

Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn't want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher told her that she had to do it and gave her instructions for the batle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and ~FEAR~ stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and FEAR was looking BIG and WRATHFUL. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward ~FEAR~, prostrated 3 times, and asked, "May I have permission to go into battle with you?" ~FEAR~ said, "Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission." Then the young warrior said, "How can I defeat you?" ~FEAR~ replied, "My weapons are that I TALK FAST, and I get VERY CLOSE TO YOUR FACE. Then you get COMPLETELY UNNERVED,

and you DO

WHATEVER I SAY.

IF you DON'T do

whatever I say,

I HAVE NO POWER.

You can LISTEN to me, and you can have RESPECT for me. You can even be CONVINCED by me.

But if YOU DON'T DO WHAT I SAY,

I HAVE NO POWER!"

In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear."

another day, another lesson.
...inhale...
........exhale........
~SMILE~
~BIG, BIG smile~
LOVE.
e

p.s. this passage is from "When Things Fall APart" by Pema Chodron. My dear sister Allie gave it to me~ along with her unconditiona LOVE. thank ~YOU~ sister :)

a little prayer

2009-04-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

tonight...

a little prayer.

tonight, i say a prayer for the people who call themselves my "enemies".

i say a prayer for you.

you have CHOSEN to declare a war upon me,

you have CHOSEN to declare me your sworn enemy~

because

i STOOD UP for mySELF,

because i CHOSE to be STRONG,

because I CHOSE my own fate,

instead of settling for unhappiness.

i say a prayer for peace.

i have struggled for peace myself.

it is hard to find peace when you find yourself on a battlefield.

it is hard to find peace when weapons of words are being shot at you.

it is hard to find peace when anger overtakes you.

it is hard to find peace when your heart is filled with revenge.

it is impossible to find peace when vengenceace is running hot through your veins.

i have been angry.

i have been hateful.

i have been absorbed in this war.

but something has happened within me.

a shift.

a change.

a new leaf has been overturned.

i no longer feel angry when i hear the lies.

i feel compassion for the person telling them.

i no longer feel hateful when my character is being slammed against a brick wall.

i feel compassion and empathy for those vengefully slamming me.

you see, for ME ~

this WAR was eating me alive.

this WAR was overshadowing the good.

the anger in me left little room for happiness.

the hate in me left little room for love.

i say a prayer for peace.

i'll tell you a true story.

my angel told me weeks ago~

that "in order for YOU to ~HEAL~

you need to FORGIVE.

i LAUGHED!!!

and laughed...

and LAUGHED!!!

"forgive?

you've GOT to be kidding me!?!?

how could i POSSIBLEY forgive?

you KNOW what has been done to me, right?

how could i POSSIBLEY, EVER forgive such things?

HOW?

i don't think it is humanly possible!

YOU, angel, must be CRAZY!!!"

but my angel said to me, quite matter-of-factly~

"Forgiveness is not for THEM,

IT IS FOR YOU."

again, i laughed!

"YOU, angel, are CRAZY!

and, furthermore,

you don't have any idea what you are talking about!!!"

and so, i left it at that, and went on about my life.

a few weeks passed, and i was in the shower~

~thinking~

please help me to find peace.

and it HIT me!

finally~ I WAS READY!

i was ready to forgive.

i was READY to let go.

honestly, i was MORE than ready!

the anger, the tension, the mean thoughts, the hate, the resentment~

i was DONE with it!

i was ready to release it from my body, my spirit and my life.

my "so called enemies" may not be ready~

but i am.

i explained it to my daughter like this~

"i am done being angry. it is too hard to stay angry all the time. it takes too much out of me to hold onto bad feelings. i am done with all of that. i am letting it go. i want to be happy. it is so much easier to be happy!"

she looked up at me with her big, beautiful, brown eyes~

she had stars in her eyes and the biggest grin on her face~

she SCREAMED with happiness & gave me a high five!

it feels so completely amazing!

my angel was right.

it wasn't for them.

it was for me.

and so,

tonight, i say a prayer for you

who call yourselves my "enemies".

i say a prayer for peace.

i hope that you find stillness.

i hope that you allow your heart to open again.

i hope that you choose happiness.

i pray for PEACE.

it will happen only by CHOICE,

not by CHANCE.

LOVE,

p.s. thank YOU angel!

pssssssst! Your HALO is showing!

friday night cupcake love

2009-04-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

friday night~ washing dishes &

making cupcake ~LOVE~

chocolate cupcakes with chocolate chocolate chips

~INSIDE~

peanutBUTTERcream frosting!

topped with DARK chocolate M&Ms...

dry-roasted peanuts, chocolate sprinkles,

& PEANUT M&Ms...

...MmMmMmMmMmMmm.......

and OVERFLOWING with loads & armfulls of

oooey, gooey, fluffy, yummy ~LOVE~

who knew that cupcakes are the symbol, of

LOVE, and PEACE, &

HAPPINESS???

did u?

i must have missed that in Home Ec. class~

cause I was not aware!

until now :)

pretty DAMN good, if I do say so myself!

and besides

~ they make me ~SMILE~!!!

then, this morning, enjoying a peaceful breakfast alone

(cold Pad Thai & coffee...DEEEELISH! :)

...looking at my beautiful flowers,

i decided to grab my sketchbook & indulge in a little creative time

why not, EH? . . .

it's GOOD to take time to do things WE ENJOY~

REMEMBER???

(if YOU forgot, go do SOMETHING YOU ENJOY today!!!)

started with my trusty Pilot Fineliner~ drawing the black details...

(just something heavenly about a good, fine, black felt pen!)

then i borrowed my kids colored pencils...

(thanks KIDS!)

listened to my music & drew to my heART's content...

...finished my coffee, then went & did some laundry!

Not a bad start to a beautiful weekend!

I hope the sun is shining wherever you are~

and I hope you are DRINKING it up!!! (I know I will be :)

LOVE.

angels

2009-04-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

this is my new favourite video~ i am REEEEEALLY a music-girl, a lyric-girl, a deep-girl, and I LOVE-love-LOVE when a song is EXACTLY what i am thinking or feeling or experiencing in my life~ LOVE IT!~ so, watch & listen to the WORDS~

and as for angels~

i am ~SURROUNDED~ by them!

my SWEET & wonderful little angel

my beautiful & AMAZING angel

my tender, LOVING angel

and my saving grace~

that came cleverly disguised,

clothed in a cupcake wrapper.

thank you angels~
i can FEEL your halos.

LOVE.
e

p.s. here's the song lyrics~

i LOVE them!?!?

Remember those walls I built

Well baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in

But I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm takin'

I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

The risk that I'm takin'

I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

change

2009-03-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

so this is what i am figuring out~ with my time, with the quiet, peaceful empty space i find myself in ~ with me, myself, and i... and the precious space i have to be with myself~... i am figuring out~ that, CHANGE could not happen, until i was READY for it to happen. i would not be HAPPY, until i felt that i DESERVED to be happy. i would not be shown KINDNESS, until i stopped ALLOWING myself to be treated like SHIT. how could i expect something DIFFERENT, when i wasn't DOING anything different? enabling DESTRUCTIVE behavior? what kind of message was i putting out into the universe~ here i am~ miserable, but, here i am STAYING. here i am~ getting my SPIRIT CRUSHED ~ i was being told that to be 'good enough', i must change who i really am~ i must become a different person.

help me!

Universe~God, Jesus, Buddha, Angels~

...anyone out there?

anyone listening???

HELP ME!!!

~for CRAP SAKES!

won't somebody help me???

i felt like the walking DEAD. i asked myself daily, "is THIS really how my life was meant to play out?...cause if it is~ this LIFE SUCKS ASS!"

you see~ for reasons i haven't figured out yet, i CHOSE to stay in a relationship that was killing my spirit. it was like this..here's my spirit...glowing, rainbow-colored, sparkly & shiney!!! then... here comes the daggers~ i TRY to brace myself for what's coming, i close my eyes, i hold my breath, i tighten my muscles, i TRY not to hear the words, i try to be strong (it has happened so many times before, i MUST be getting stronger for it, right?) here it comes~ like LIGHTENING~ like a SUCKER-PUNCH in my kidneys (from the back, when i DON'T SEE IT COMING), like a steel-toed boot in the stomach, a back-hand across my face...

the WORDS!

BIG, BLACK, HARD, COLD, SHARP, STINGING, CUTTING...

i CHOSE to ALLOW it.

so, you see, as MISERABLE as i was, as much as i HATED what was happening to me, as much as i KNEW it was not right, as much as i WISHED (with every fiber of my being) for something different, as often as i CRIED in the shower ~ full of despair & sadness, as much as i LONGED to be treated differently, as much as i DAYDREAMED about how i ~wish~ my life could BE...as much as i felt nauseous from the SHARP PAINS of words that cut like knives~i was not READY. it's pretty sad, actually, the HELL i was living in, was not enough. it's sad. it's sad that i did not value MYSELF enough to DO IT for ME.

if my FRIEND was going through what i was going through, i would have, in a second, and WITHOUT a doubt, grabbed her by the head~ looked into her hurting eyes with LOVE, and SHOOK her head~ HARD!!! I would have told her,
YOU are BEAUTIFUL!
YOU Are WONDERUFL!
YOU are AMAZING!
and YOU DESERVE to be treated with LOVE, and KINDNESS, and RESPECT!
YOU are worth SO MUCH MORE than this!
YOU, my friend, are GETTING OUT!
I LOVE YOU & I will not allow you to be treated like this for a moment longer~
then, I would hold her hand with all of my might~ & I would RUN~ as FAR & as FAST as I could~ I would take her away from her prison~
I would, without faultering, do this for my FRIEND.

so~ here's the REAL question,

WHY WOULDN'T I DO IT FOR MYSELF???

it's sad that i stayed for my kids. it's sad that they witnessed this behaviour for YEARS. it's sad. it's sad that i wasn't stronger, sooner. it's sad that i set this example for my children. it's sad that they saw the WRONG role model for years. it makes me so sad, and so ashamed, for not leaving a long time ago. i will forever be sorry for taking so long to find my strength.
but~ i did, eventually find my strength. and i did leave.

back to what i said at the top~ about how MISERABLE i was~ and was HOPING and PRAYING for change... what happened is this: CHANGE could not happen until I declared, jumping & shouting from the top of a mountain, at the top of my lungs~

"I REFUSE to allow this to happen to me, for one more year, one more month, one more day, ONE MORE FREAKING SECOND!?!?!?

Do you HEAR me?!?!

GOd?!

Buddha?!

ANgels?!

Universe!?

Whoever is listening...

I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

I AM DONE!"

..and, from that moment on, my life has been DIFFERENT.
my life is wonderful.

my life is amazing.

I am free.

I can BREATHE~

really, really breathe.

I am blissfully happy.

...inhale...

...exhaaaaaaale...

my WINGS have grown back~ and something completely amazing has happened. something that i haven't experienced in more than 15 years~...
my FEET have left the ground!

you see~ because I have ABSOLUTELY DECLARED that I am done with the "shit", that I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY REFUSE to be treated like that EVER , EVER, EVER again~

oh MY!

it's AMAZING~

I tell you,

whoever was listening

when I was shouting on that mountaintop~

they have sent me an ANGEL~

they have sent me LOVE~

and KINDNESS~

and the freshest air I have ever breathed.

so, you see~ CHANGE could not happen and WOULD not happen, until I stopped WAITING for "someone" else to step in and save me. It could only happen after I committed to

saving myself!

..AND then~ "they" knew I was serious~

the stars came out~

mountains moved~

~and I learned to BREATHE again~

peace&LOVE.